Fancy being pelted with paintballs for a living?

1A position as a paintball bullet tester has attracted a whopping 10,000 applicants from across the UK and even further afield, with hopefuls from the US, Canada and India also putting their hat into the ring.

The job, which was advertised by UKPaintball as having a salary of £40,000 a year pro rata, has shocked the firm with its popularity.

UKPaintball owner, Justin Toohig, said: “This incredible response is the last thing we expected when we posted the advert. We couldn’t have predicted that so many people in the UK and beyond would want to get shot for a living.”

The part-time bullet tester advert that attracted all the interest called for those who were “looking for a new challenge with… awesome colleagues?” and said that people with “relatively high pain thresholds” should look into the opportunity.

“The job will essentially involve being shot at with every new batch of paint bullets to ensure that all health and safety checks are in place before we can use them on the general public and paying customers.

“Whilst the checks will of course be carried out by trained professionals with a wealth of experience, the role may pose a small risk of pain, discomfort and some bruising.”

World’s ‘worst Christmas tree’ finds a new home

A Christmas tree described as the worst in Britain has found a new home after it was ridiculed at Christmas 2013 by residents of Stockton, the town where it was erected.

The 20-foot tree was described as a ‘dunce’s hat, an ice cream cone and an embarrassment’ along with other choice phrases when it was put up in Stockton town centre by Stockton Council last year.

The tree – which was made of white fabric and cones with illuminated snowflakes – became known as the worst tree in the country and residents clamoured for it to be taken down. However, this year it has found a new home in a nearby town.

Judith Haysmore, chief executive of the Daisy Chain autism charity, was offered the tree by Stockton Council and gladly accepted. It now sits outside a charity building in nearby Norton.

“I know not many people seemed to like it,” said Ms Haysmore to Sky News. “But when Stockton Council offered it to us we were happy to take it in and give it a home.”

A council spokesman added: “Surely there must be a place in our hearts at this time of year for the lost, the lonely and the outcast … including Christmas trees.”

Halloween’s most tasteless costume: Ebola suits

95th Civil Support Team and 95th Chemical Company Joint Training

 

US shoppers on the look out for the perfect Halloween costume for this year will now have a range of Ebola-themed outfits to choose from, with the range sparking much controversy across the country.

Emergency protection clothing has been touted as the most popular costume for Halloween 2014, with a range of hazmat suits, respirators, rubber gloves and gas masks going on sale despite the Ebola crisis raging on.

For sale at costume shops across the US, the yellow and white hazmat suits, which are most commonly donned by health workers who are coming into contact with Ebola samples or patients as part of their work, have proven a hit with buyers.

Richard Parrott of Ricky’s costume confirmed that “people are definitely asking about an Ebola-type costume”. However, he went on to say that, while he had thought about making an Ebola-style costume and donating a portion of the profits towards finding a cure for the virus, he had decided against it as it “felt like it probably crosses a line that we don’t want to cross”.

Another firm, BrandsOnSale, is selling an ‘Ebola Containment Suit Costume’ for $79.99, (AU$91) featuring a white outfit emblazoned with the word ‘Ebola’. The store says that the outfit will “literally be the most ‘viral’ costume of the year”.

Many feel that these costumes make light of what is an incredibly serious issue – more than 4,500 people have so far died from the disease, mainly in West Africa.

Sexless spreadsheet lands husband in hot water

couple-in-bed

Sexual frustration can manifest itself in wild and crazy ways, but one man has channeled his excessive libido into an altogether more structured release.

Below is a picture of the spreadsheet an unsatisfied husband sent his wife that listed all the excuses she had given for not wanting to play a game of hide the sausage. Unfortunately for our Excel Romeo, the stunt backfired when the aggrieved wife posted the picture on Reddit, causing it to go viral within hours.

Sexy spreadsheet...

Sexy spreadsheet…


The user, throwwwwaway29, wrote on the social community site: “My husband sent me an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. I opened it and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. According to his “document”, we’ve only had sex three times in the last seven weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.”

Communication is the key to a successful marriage, or so say they say. And while the husband’s very organised approach to tackling the problem is admirable, this 21st Century attempt at foreplay is seemingly not going to work. Indeed, most marriage counsellors would probably admit that sending a passive aggressive email with an attached spreadsheet is not going to be best the way to initiate a bit of hanky panky. After all, nothing says sexy like tabular software!

Form an orderly queue ladies: murderer appears on dating show

Third time's a charm: Sefer Calinak killed two perviously lovers

Third time’s a charm: Sefer Calinak killed two previous lovers

People who choose national television as a suitable dating platform are probably never going to be the exemplification of normality, but a man in Turkey has stunned the world when his past came out on ‘Luck of the Draw’.

Sefer Calinak, 62, dropped a clanger that would even have had the fake tan-clad beauties on Paddy McGuinness’ ITV equivalent turning their lights off. Mr Calinak, it transpired, had previously been in prison… for murdering his first wife… and a subsequent lover.

At the age of 17, Mr Calinak eloped with a woman who was involved in an arranged marriage. The family of her supposed husband-to-be found out about the couple and jealousy and distrust led Mr Calinak to kill his first wife.

He served a shortened sentence before being released and remarrying. He later separated from his new wife and embarked on an affair with a married woman who swore she would leave her husband for him. When his latest lover went back on her word, Mr Calinak says he “accidentally” killed her when he “swung the axe”. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

The misguided Romeo was released early once again under Government amnesties and now says he is a changed man. Appearing on the show on Turkish channel Flash TV, Mr Calinak said it was his destiny and he did all because of jealousy – but that he is now “an honest man”.

He applied to appear on the show in a bid to find a new love but as his story shockingly unravelled, the host asked him to leave and the orderly queue of women waiting to be wooed by the axe-wielding Lothario was promptly dispersed.

Watch the flabbergasting footage from Flash TV below:

Five weirdest crowdfunding projects ever

Woman got over £4,000 from strangers online to get a boob job

Woman got over £4,000 from strangers online to get a boob job

Crowdsourcing has become an increasingly common fundraising technique in the 21st century. The online fundraising technique is a great way to turn a particular project or product from a dream to a reality.

From charitable venture to groundbreaking scientific theories, it has helped provide financial backing for a great deal of fascinating and worthwhile initiatives in recent years. But, naturally, so too has it bankrolled some odder ones.

One such example is that of Northumberland’s Gemini Smith. The 23-year-old trainee undertaker appealed to the online community to help her raise the £4,450 she needed for a boob job.

Gemini said that her 34A bra size made her feel like “12-year-old boy” and by speaking to men online managed to scrabble together the money via American website MyFreeImplants.com; she is now boasting 34DDs.

It is a story that has been met with a host of media attention. But in the grand scheme of things, there have been many more extraordinary cases of crowdfunding – here’s our top five:

5. World’s largest jock strap

Unfortunately this project was not even to offer genital support to the world’s most well endowed athlete – this Guinness World Record attempted raised $854 to create a giant jock strap for no reason other than to do it. They did it to be fair.

4. Robocop statue

We would all feel a lot safer if Robocop was roaming the streets. Well the people of Detroit have plumped for the next best thing, in May 2011 members of the www public dipped into their pockets and scraped together $67,436 for a statue of the man-cum-machine law enforcement officer that now proudly stands on Wayne State University campus.

3. Tardis in space

Doctor Who fans are an odd bunch; there can be no questioning that. But to prove it one fan took to Kickstarter to bankroll a campaign to get a Tardis – the time travelling phone box – launched into orbit. The fan in question asked for a laughable $33,000 … and actually managed to raise $88,000.

2. Giant Lionel Richie head

Terrifying and beautiful in equal measure, last year the founders of Bestival smashed their target of £4,900 to create a giant sculpture of Lionel Richie’s head. The massive, three-metre-high head pleased music fans at the festival and regardless of whether or not it was him you were looking for, you saw him.

1. Watermelon holders 

Don’t you hate it when you have all your shopping bags and despite how much you struggle you just can’t get a good grip on your watermelon? Yeah? Exactly. Well Mike Draghici, the Da Vinci of pointless fruit-themed inventions, tried to raise $25,000 for a watermelon holder. Shockingly he only got six backers. Some ideas are just too far ahead of their time but keep the faith Mike; one day, one day.

G.E.N.I.U.S

G.E.N.I.U.S

Six sticks with ‘character like the Spice Girls’ sell for £62 on eBay

This is not the Spice Girls

This is not the Spice Girls

Whether it’s water from a cup that Elvis Presley once drank out of, a piece of toast with the face of the Virgin Mary burnt into it or an empty jar claiming to contain the ghost of some man’s friend, there’s just about nothing you can’t buy on eBay. Or perhaps more accurately, there’s just about nothing that some idiot somewhere won’t spend their money on.

The latest bizarre item bought at the world’s largest online auction is a set of six sticks resembling the Spice Girls.

A user who goes by the moniker Whackychop sold the set of twigs – which they retrieved from De Beauvoir Square in Hackney, London – for £62… plus £3.20 postage and packaging. Worryingly, the tree parts actually received 27 bids, all thanks to this seller’s unique way of marketing his foraged goods.

Whackychop, or Babak Ganjei to use his real name, likened the bits of bark to the Spice Girls, stating that each had its own unique personality and appearance. Indeed, the description also claimed the sticks were “travel-sized” and “premium” because of the fact they come from such a coveted area of the city, making them the perfect for any parent looking to impress their young daughter.

It is unclear whether it is the sticks’ outlandish characters or angelic singing quality that reminded Whackychop of the purveyors of ‘girl power’, but you must admire his East End entrepreneurial spirit in being able to flog the twigs for more than a speckled hen a piece.

Canada erects crack cocaine pipe vending machines

Crack smoking.

Crack smoking.

Vending machines selling crack cocaine pipes have been created in Vancouver, Canada, in a bid to offer drug users access to clean pipes to try and halt the spread of infection.

The pipes – which sell for a quarter (around 14 pence) have been erected by the Portland Hotel Society and also aim to reduce the need for people to purchase pipes on the black market. Each of the vending machines holds 200 pipes and they are restocked every five days.

Kailin See, director of the Drug Users Resource Centre, told Canadian television: “For us, this was about increasing access to safer inhalation supplies in the Downtown Eastside.”

However, many feel that the scheme flies in the face of the country’s tough stance on drugs.

Steven Blaney, Canada’s Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness, said in a statement: “We disagree with promoters of this initiative. Drug use damages the health of individuals and the safety of our communities.

“While the NDP and Liberals would prefer that doctors hand out heroin and needles to those suffering from addiction, this Government supports treatment that ends drug use, including limiting access to drug paraphernalia by young people,” he added.

Mass duvet day to cost UK firms dear

bed

Why work when you can snuggle?

The winter blues are said to be the main factor behind today’s ‘national sickie day,’ during which employees opt to remain at home under their duvets rather than venturing into work.

The financial hangover from the festive season, coupled with the short days and cold weather have all led to staff staying off work, a trend which could cost firms as much as £34 million.

Professor of organisational psychology and health at Lancaster University, Cary Cooper, told Metro: “The ‘National Sickie Day’ may seem like a bit of a joke with some of these wild excuses, but there are some serious underlying reasons hiding beneath the surface.

“This time of year is tough, especially for those struggling to meet financial commitments or just fed-up after the holiday season. So it’s no great surprise that it’s the peak point for absences. Smart bosses know when to show a little understanding – when to say, ‘ok, take a day off, just don’t abuse my trust.’”

Peter Mooney from Employment Law Advisory Services, said that staff decisions to take a duvet day can seriously impact businesses by “zapping workplace energy and productivity levels.”

Jurassic Park dinosaur cage for sale on auction site

Beware the velociraptor my dear when the moon is fat.

Beware the velociraptor my dear when the moon is fat.

Arguably one of the best pieces of film memorabilia ever to come up for sale is the original Velociraptor cage crate from the hit 1993 film ‘Jurassic Park,’ which is currently selling on an internet auction site.

The item – which is being sold by Theme Park Connection – has offers on it of around £30,700 at the moment, with that price set to rise as dinosaur fans from across the globe get in on the action.

The listing states: “In this auction you are bidding on one of the most recognisable props from Steven Spielberg’s 1993 worldwide hit, Jurassic Park. This is the full size animal transport cage crate featured in the terrifying opening scene of the classic blockbuster movie.”

“This is the crate that housed the Velociraptor that attacked and killed the ill-fated gate keeper as Jurassic Park’s game warden and workers attempted to move the Raptor into its permanent pen,” adds the listing.

The cage also comes with a full-size Velociraptor prop, which was used to terrify guests at the film’s premiere. Both the prop and the cage are in need of some restoration, the listing adds.