One of the first things that we, humans, learn to do as a child is defecate… ok, so we don’t ‘learn’ how to do it per se – there is not an instruction manual, parents are not performing a demonstration for their young child to follow – but it is fair to say that we get to grips with pooing pretty much from day one.

Well, prepare to see the very foundations of your worldly beliefs crumble right before your eyes as we tell you that you don’t actual know how to poo. That’s right, you’ve actually been doing it wrong your whole life.

Don’t take our word for it – it’s science; Giulia Enders, who is currently studying for her doctorate in microbiology in Frankfurt, has written her debut book entitled Darm mit Charme, which translates as Charming Bowels, obviously.

In the book, which has sold a not-to-be-scoffed-at 200,000 copies in her native Germany, Ms Enders provides the reader with detailed descriptions of how you should really be releasing your digested food matter. And yes, fear not, there are plenty of pictures. Plenty.

Step one: don’t sit down. The act of sitting, rather than going for a leisurely squat, prolongs the whole faeces-passing process. And while the invention of smartphones means that many people are in no rush to relieve themselves, taking a long time to go number two can actually lead to haemorrhoids and bowel diseases like diverticulitis.

Indeed, bathroom squatting is standard practice across Asia, and the facts suggest that it is a far healthier (and many would say cleaner) way to go poop.

And it’s not just how you should pass waste – Ms Enders also focuses on when you should deposit the leftovers and what should be in it. That’s right, from what constitutes a healthy, poo-friendly diet through to understanding your daily bowel movement cycle, this German’s fascination with the brown stuff knows no bounds… the things people do in the name of science!